Spoilery, rambly goodbye

I'm trying to gather my thoughts on the end of an era. It's hard. I have been part of this fandom for a decade- okay, maybe not really involved with the fandom, but...

I love to hate popular things. It should be listed as one of my hobbies. If everyone loves it, I probably hate it, just to hate it. When Harry Potter first came around, it was popular, so naturally, I hated it. Thought it was stupid and silly, without ever picking up a book. I was working in a movie theater in Jackson, Tennessee when the first movie came out, and I gleefully mocked all those kids who came dressed up and were so earnestly excited. A few months later, I got mine when, bored and depressed, I started reading the books.

My mom is a 4th grade teacher, and like a good teacher she had copies of all the books the kids raved about with the intention of reading them, but never really got around to it. All through high school I was the guinea pig- she'd hand me some books and I'd report back on if they were good, fluff, or just plain awful. So, trying to convince myself I was going to read the books for the good of her students, I picked up the first one. And within three days had finished the first four books, all that was out a decade ago. I immediately bought the first movie (my first DVD evar, as it happens- I even scorned that media for years because everyone took to it so fast.).

I made friends because of mutual adoration for the Harry Potter books- some of my closest friends, friends that got me through some of my darkest times in Port Huron. Midnight book releases and movies were major events. When the Order of the Phoenix came out, we dressed up and stood in line at midnight, and took our books across the street to Denny's to read together. After a few hours, we all went home and I kept reading- through the night, and then went to see those same friends play in an outdoor music festival and read. And went to my cousin's open house and dished with another cousin about how fantastic the book was.

Please stop taking pictures of me and let me read.

I took the first dvd to my grandparents house, and my grandfather- not a fan of fantasy at all, he was more the western, bang bang shoot 'em up, black and white movie watcher- and even he got into it, and wanted to know why the Dursley's weren't taken to jail for their mistreatment of Harry. My second tattoo is the barcode from the first book. Every year I re-read the series. When the Half Blood Prince came out, I went to the midnight release alone, but picked up a spare copy for my friend (with me above) who had just had a baby and wasn't able to get her own. We read together and cooed at her baby, who is now unbelievably six and starting first grade in the fall.

One of the first movies Anton and I saw together was the Goblet of Fire- midnight release, of course. The test of a new relationship- if he could put up with my fandoms, then I guess it was meant to be. That Christmas he got me a time-turner.

The midnight release for Deathly Hallows was bittersweet- would there ever be another book I'd be so excited about that I'd be willing to wait in a crowd of people to get it instead of ordering it from Amazon? I hate people, but I love Potter people.

Anton drove me nuts that night. He found a leaked copy on the internets and kept interrupting me to see if I'd gotten to the next death.I finally banned him from the room. I hate being spoiled for anything, especially the joy of reading something I hold dear. I've lost count of how many times I've read the books- but the only other books I re-read so frequently  are few: The Chronicles of Prydain, Dirk Gently series, Quest for a Maid and Mists of Avalon. The spines are all cracked, pages are loose, and I won't let anyone else touch them.

For me, the real test of a good story is if it can make me laugh out loud, if it can make me think, and if it can make me cry. The first time that happened was when I was reading the conclusion to the Chronicles of Prydain- I was 11,12 at the time, had read hundreds of books already, but none had moved me at all emotionally until then.  The moment I knew I was truly hooked on Harry Potter was the Goblet of Fire. Cederic's death caught me so off guard I stopped reading for a good 15 minutes and just sobbed. In the books, and movies I suppose, his death is when it stops being for kids and shit gets real. I can't watch Goblet of Fire without crying over it, and reading "Kill the spare" still makes my heart just clench. Knowing ahead of time that someone died in Order of the Phoenix took the gut punch out of Sirus' death, but it still makes me chocked up and teary.

Jo Rowling is magical. She has created a world in which one can't help but care for it's characters- cheer them on, mourn with them, and face palm at their mistakes. She's also incredibly clever, which many a writer tries to emulate but she just pulls it off so damn well. There are casually mentioned answers in book one that make you headdesk in book seven for not figuring out sooner. The world she made is rich and inviting and managed to do what Lloyd Alexander did so well by showing that the world is not split into "good people and Death Eaters."

Seeing the Deathly Hallows this past week was painful and joyous- I mourn the end of such a beautiful world but I'm so grateful for the richness it brought to my life. Even the silly fandom wank- Potter Pals, Wizard Rock, and of course, A Very Potter Musical/A Very Potter Sequel (and enough fanfic to fill a library). The epilogue to the move hit me right in the gut more so then the book version managed to do. Seeing the trio send their wee wizards off to Hogwarts made it finally hit home that it's all over, it's done- but  whole new generation will come up and find new and wonderful things through Harry Potter. It's almost like turning over the keys of the kingdom- we've had our adventure, now it's your turn. It's so hard to believe that something that always gave me something to look forward to is done.

Not to say I'm going to pack up my books and movies and be done. But my children will never experience Harry Potter the way so many of us did. The anticipation between each book and movie release (YEARS. YEARS OF WAITING.), the massive years long ongoing discussions between books trying to figure out what was going to come next. For so many people, myself included, even though movie canon and book canon take very different paths, the movie actors are who we see as the book characters. I ignore descriptions of characters in the books that don't match their movie counterpart. The last two books you can see a shift of certain characters (Snape, mostly) where she started writing the character to match more closely to how the actor was portraying them.

We're planning a trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter for my 30th birthday, as a send off to my very Potter twenties.

I don't think I'll stop hoping in the very back of my mind that an owl will finally show up with my Hogwarts letter. Better late then never.

Goodbye, the Boy Who Lived and all the fantastic witches and wizards, squibs and muggles from along the way. I'll always have a special place for you in my heart and on my book shelf.